Time to be Vulnerable

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

So this morning, I was doing my morning devotional. I brewed a cup of coffee, grabbed my Bible, The James Method Verse Mapping Journal, my phone, my pens/highlighters, and proceeded to get cozy in my recliner.

Normally, I go into my Bible app on my phone to look up the daily verse and structure my verse mapping devotional around that verse of the day. However, when I looked at the verse, I just wasn’t feeling it this morning. Instead, I went to discover a verse based on a category. Honestly, there was no meaning behind the category I chose, peace, other than it was the top one on the app.

As I began to read the first verse that popped up, it registered with me immediately. Although this was a verse I was familiar with, it spoke to my heart a little extra this morning, so I wanted to jump on here and share my thoughts.

The verse was Philippians 4:6-7, a common verse used to describe how to handle anxiousness. One of my flaws is definitely being a worried wart. I WANT to know the outcome of situations SO BADLY. I absolutely hate confrontation of any sort, so if that is the situation, I am going to marinate on that scenario for hoooooours. Finances? You bet I get anxious at times, especially when things out of my control happen, such as a vehicle randomly breaking down or the air conditioner going out in the summer and costing $8,000 to replace. Even phone calls make me nervous at times. Although, I know in my heart I know there is no reason to worry, my head tells me a different story. Anybody else have these same problems? I sure hope it’s not just me!

That brings us to my current situation. At the moment, I am 25 weeks pregnant. Without going into full-blown long story mode, I didn’t think I could have children (female issues), so in my mind, I was totally content with not, and my husband and I living our best life with our dogs, going on adventures, and being a rockstar aunt and uncle to our two nieces. I had never really pictured myself as a mom, either. There were times that I would be around my nieces and feel like I was missing out, or seeing the excitement of new expecting moms at church and feel like my life was going to be unfulfilled, but I just never saw myself as a “mom”. I am sure a large portion of that had to deal with the female medical issues I had over the past 10 years or so. Through God’s healing, those issues began to dissipate, and the next thing I know, I am avoiding the bathroom after taking a pregnancy test, anxious to see the results.

There are times that I am excited, but if I am being 100% real, most of my time these days is spent contemplating if I am even fit to be a mother…and that word “mother”, feels foreign and laughable in my mind. To say I am worried and nervous is quite the understatement. The thoughts of “my life is going to change so much, I am going to loose myself, I am never going to have time for me or my passions, I am actually going to have to keep someone alive” flood my mind constantly. I know these are all selfish thoughts, but that is where my head space resides right now. I worry about really wanting to be a mom, and not feeling that right now, and then I feel shameful and guilty. But then I stumbled upon this verse this morning…

Maybe you are not in the exact same boat I am cruising along in, but if you are feeling worried, nervous, or anxious, I encourage you to meditate on the scripture above. As I was completing my devotional and mapping out the verse in my journal, there were so many thoughts that I had to put down on paper, and I wanted to share them in case you are going through a storm, or even a light sprinkle, right now in your life.

1. Paul, one of the greatest disciples of all, felt these feelings, too.

The book of Philippians was written by Paul from approximately 60-62 AD. The book is written to the church, or people, of Philippi; throughout the book, Paul is continuously encouraging them to stay strong in their faith and thanking them for their support as he sits in prison. PRISON. You best believe Paul had thoughts of doubt that were trying to wedge their way in his head. However, I believe Paul wrote this letter to the Philippians not only to encourage them, but to encourage and reassure himself that God has his back and to not worry about matters out of his control. You can be like Paul! Yes, doubts are going to creep in, but you have the power to shut them out. That power comes from God’s word, like my focal verse from today.

2. We are to beg God for help earnestly.

In the verse, it states “…but in everything by prayer and supplication”. Supplication means to beg for something earnestly or humbly. Prayer is having a conversation with God. He wants you to want Him more than anything. He wants you to want His help more than anything. Why not let Him handle it? Do you know why He wants to take away our worries? Because worry is a sign of unfaithfulness to Him. He knows the plan for each and every one of our lives. He can handle our anxiousness because He already knows the outcome of the situation. Again, why not let Him handle it?

3. Pray, ponder, practice.

When we pray, God is going to step in. Although it may not be the way we want or the timing we preferred, it is going to be perfect. When you change your mindset to ponder on God rather than pondering on the things out of your control, you begin to practice those actions. Praying, seeking, and piloting our thoughts toward God comes natural and second nature when we put it into practice. As you continue to hand situations over to God instead of manifesting on them, it becomes natural and a no-brainer. Those worries, anxiety, and nervousness start to disappear little by little, until eventually, you are completely at peace with whatever life throws at you. Being focused on God is key to overcoming anxiousness.

So what are you anxious about? What is making you lose sleep at night or stealing your joy? Locate that problem, and I encourage you to pray about the situation whole-heartedly. Ponder on what you need from God to release you from those nervous feelings, and put those actions into practice. Anytime a thought of doubt enters your mind, focus on God, and in the wise words of Elsa, let it go!